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Red Planet Rev's Fast Frocking in a Box
ONLY $17.12 approximately!
Reveerend Chaesi Zimpbunnn has the power to make you a QUASI-LEGALLY ORDAINED MARTIAN MINISTER within 4/9 hour!
BE ORDAINED NOW!
As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the churrch!
As a minister, you will be authorized to collect donations for performing all kinds of rites and ceremonies!
Become a man (or
woman) of the cloth NOW!
WEDDINGS?
Yes, you can MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND! (Not to worry if this sounds kinky - a
Martian Ministers can get married to ANYONES!)
Don't settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES' MAID
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE "SEND" YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony. But this is JUST A TECHNICALITY!
FUNERALS (Extra "benefits")
A very hard time for families, relatives and cousins. But our ceremonies are upbeat, with emphasis on moving
the beloved recently departed to the head of the line at the Pearly Gates.
Don't settle for a minister you don't know! Do your own funeral!
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE "SEND" YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony. But this is JUST A TECHNICALITY!
BAPTISMS (Start 'em off rite) !
You can say "WELCOME TO THE WORLD! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE! THAT WILL BE $25, PLEASE."
A very special way to welcome a child of God or whatever.
Become a woman (or
man) of the cloth before it's too late!
BATH MITZVAHS and CIRCUMCISIONS (No discrimination!!!)
No special training required. Don't be squeamish, it's not so hard (?).
Our "religion" is INTERDENOMINENTIAL - you can accept donations from EVERYONE!
(Note" A Bath Mitzvah is similar to a Baptism, only the whole family gets wet.)
FORGIVENESS OF SINS (Ensure "brand loyalty")
Some churches have practiced the forgiveness of sins for centuries - why not you?
"Forgiveness of Sins" is granted to all who ask in sincerity and express
a willingness to change for the better or to try it for a few days.
Hear confessions - a sure fire way to meet women who may need special counseling.
DAMNATION!!! & Near Damnation
Give some real meaning to expressions like, "Go to hell."
Not to be used casually, the Damnation power option does have the benefit of getting the RAPT ATTENTION of particularly tough
cases and reticent customers. And best of all, damnation is COMPLETELY REVERSIBLE!
Indulgences (reprieves from hell fire) can be priced to fit the "sin" - or sinner's pocketbook.
VISIT CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES
Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit others in need!
Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock. Later,
write a book about your experience. Then go on tour touting your book and become FAMOUS. Have people listen to what you say for a change.
Become a hipster or
senior citizen of the cloth before you forget!
WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH?!?
After your Quasi-Legal ORDINATION, you may start your own congregation and religion! Our kit comes with detailed list of religious precepts, commandments and arcane couture
suggestions, with emphasis on those not yet incorporated into other
religions - so that your sect will be UNIQUE.
At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs and if it looks real. Right? Well, let's talk about how much the program is "worth." Considering the value of becoming a CERTIFIED MINISTER,
we would say the program is easily worth $103,050,072. Wouldn't you agree? However, it won't cost you that much. No way! Not even close!
Our goal is to make this life changing program affordable so average folks
who don't know diddly about spirituality can benefit from the power of IT.
Since "we" know how much you want to help others, you're going to receive your Martian Minister Certification
Kit for under $100.00... Not even $50.00... You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $19.23.
THINK ABOUT IT
For only $17.94 you will receive:
- An 8-inch by 10-inch certificate in color, with gold-like "seal"
to be "professionally printed" on your "ink press"
- Proof of Martian Minister Certification made out in your name (in pencil - so you can change it in an emergency or other unexplained circumstance)
- Instructions and diagrams
- Red Planet Rev's Fast Frocking in a Box box
- Shipping is free - and is not required!
You can
become holy right away and start enjoying your eternal rewards
immediately! Get
the cloth and the cup NOW! by going to the same page as linked above! |
