Hodnotber introduces Frank Fitzgerald.............

About the Artist

.....(If you will kind of  pretend that you don't know I am writing this about myself it would be appreciated.)

.....Frank Fitzgerald was born a long time ago in Queens, NY, which is a part of New York City. He attended a Catholic grade school where the nuns taught him to color inside the lines and to make a neat, even border around all of his pictures. He was intrigued by the mystery of Catholicism and its exotic forms and accepted its authority until the 2nd grade, when Sister Philbertha, the first woman he loved but could not have, pulled him (by his ear) from his seat during an assembly and falsely accused him of talking. Thereafter, he questioned the infallibility of the Pope. However, Mr. Fitzgerald maintains a deep interest in things Christian and spiritual, and, also, in women who wear long black dresses.

USS Glacier at the South Pole without Seaman Fitzgerald......Deciding in favor of the intellectual freedom of a public high school, (and this at the time Rock and Roll was being born) he learned how to dress cool and slouch. Leaving high school, Fitzgerald joined the U. S. Navy. While in boot camp, forced to rise earlier than he had ever done before, he stood under a pre-dawn sky watching the newly launched Sputnik pass overhead and wondered if he was in the right navy. Nonetheless, he served his country with valor, enduring the rigors of exceedingly long chow lines for over 3 years. During his enlistment Fitzgerald made two remakable cruises aboard the USS Glacier, sailing all the way from Boston, Massachusetts to Norfolk, Virginia and from Norfolk, Virginia to Boston, Massachusetts. He turned down an offer, made by his grateful government, to extend his enlistment by two months in order to journey to the South Pole to see some penguins sliding around on the ice.

.....Not being able to get a job commensurate with his abilities he decided to return to school to develope some commensurable abilities. He enrolled at the School of Visual Arts and learned many new things, the first being how to look at a naked (totally) woman without appearing that it mattered very much to him, which it could have because not only was there this naked woman there sitting there in front of you in broad (excuse me) daylight, but there were 20 other people in the room looking at her and not a single one saying "This is great, we get to look at a naked woman all morning and our parents are paying for it." Young Frank certainly didn't stand up and say anything like that. It didn't matter to him that they were forced to look at a naked woman.

.....Years later, (cutting to the chase here) Fitzgerald had put his hippie days behind him and was earning a living as a free-lance illustrator. His work appeared in the New York Times and various magazines, and he illustrated about a dozen children's books which have been read, it is estimated, by well over a dozen children. Where's Kevin?, which he illustrated, was a tie-in to the release of Home Alone II and the book actually went into reprint. It can still be found around Christmastime in select stores in places like Turkistan and Nepal. Mr. Fitzgerald, being quite religious, uses some of the proceeds from this book to pay two little Italian ladies to say novenas for Macully Calkin, asking that God grant him a long adolescence and a number of sequels. (Mr. Fitzgerald, himself, is working on some ideas for a Home Alone III that would have little Kevin stranded in the woods somewhere and there would be the humorous torching of either some crazedpatrioticamericanmilitia types or maybe Arab terrorists. It kind of depends on which way the wind is blowing when the flick goes into production, as well as some important artistic concerns.)

TV hostess with the mostest hair. You are really missing something......Anyway, after years as an illustrator, one day Frank Fitzgerald said, "Hey, why don't I do something else... more... interesting." He then threw caution to the wind and created Welcome to Nocturnia, which aired on the Manhattan public access cable tv outlet. Over a 2 year period the weekly program evolved from what was, basically, a mix of music and images videotaped at art exhibitions, to one that was more satirical in nature and featured Fitzgerald (in digital-disguise) playing most of the characters on the show, including Garr The, Max Hernphenffer, Ben and Guido Gavott, and assorted visitors from other worlds. Almost all of the show's characters were bearded (as is, coincidentally, Mr. Fitzgerald), including Ms Pat Carrunch, whose Loving Apartment Living segments instructed city viewers on subjects such as how to discourage cockroaches from walking around on their toothbrushes in the middle of the night.

.....Then one day Frank Fitzgerald said, "Hey, why don't I do something... different," and convinced his fully-employed wife to let him buy a computer. And so here he is heading up Ffitz Design and available now to create an incredibly affordable and guaranteed unique image for your website, desktop or publication.  Also, for the first time ever, Mr. Fitzgerald reveals the Secrets of the Master, regarding the precise placement of large noses and exciting coifs on oddly drawn characters, and discusses How Any Doofus Can Create Great Tiled Backgrounds.


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